I was feeling change coming and, in that moment, I began to realize I’d been here before. My life was going to shift, once again, in a way I couldn’t foresee. I needed to stay focused and keep packing, even though I still didn’t have a destination or plan, the only plan I had was to keep packing and be ready when my destination presented. I reminded myself to breathe realizing my biggest challenge, at this moment, was going to be staying out of my head so the highest best timeline could present to me.
I found myself thinking back to the last time I had been asked to surrender and trust, it was 2018, it seems so long ago. Things were very different. I was married for eight years to someone I thought would be in my life forever, but that was not the case, and we filed an amicable divorce in 2013. In a funny but not funny way the divorce papers got lost in the court system twice, so I was in a holding pattern still living there with no place to go.
After five years living in limbo our divorce had become final, but it was clear to me there was great purpose in our living together during that time, we healed what couldn’t be healed while married. During the time we spent together we went through ups and downs, and now we could leave each other in a way that felt right. I knew once the healing happened and the compassion and friendship restored the timeline to leap would come. What I couldn’t know was that it wouldn’t happen in the way I thought it would unfold.
At the same time, I was healing the end of my marriage my friend was healing her heart. Her fiancé passed unexpectedly and a few weeks later found herself in need of a new place to live. Her landlord told her he decided to sell the house, and she needed to find another place quickly. Change was happening for both of us, her move immediate, mine had no pressure.
As she looked for houses and apartments, I slowly began receiving glimpses of a house coming in to play and thought it was going to be her house. My insight showed me a house that looked like a ranch at the end of a court, surrounded by trees and the house number would add to 11. When it first started to unfold, I was confused because I felt like these were my signs for a house I was supposed to live in, especially the sign that the number would add to 11. This was the number my mom would use to get my attention from the other side.
I stepped back from thinking and started to allow, as I did, I was feeling this house connecting with me but still had no idea how, when or where so I waited, still looking for breadcrumbs.
One day my friend called and asked if I wanted to grab coffee and do a ride along on a house she found. It had a high vaulted ceiling and a banana blade ceiling fan, this was the best part of the house, the rest not so much but, I was off that day so off we went, with coffee in hand to do a walk through.
On the way to look at that house, another friend called out of the blue and asked what I was doing. I told her I was looking at a house with my other friend. She asked, “are you moving in together?” We both laughed at the question and said, “No just looking at a house for her”. My friend on the phone proceeded to tell me she had a house that just opened, the tenant gave notice. She said it was the same house she showed me the month before asking if I wanted to rent the basement apartment, I turned it down because it was a studio. I remember telling her I thought the house was vacant, at the time she said no but the tenant just gave notice, and it would be available in a few weeks. I this felt like this was the nod from the universe I’d been wanting, the crumbs were lining up!
We decided to see it after the first house which had been a bit of a disappointment except for the vaulted ceiling and fan. So off we went to see the house we just found out about. I received the address and smiled to myself. It was in a court! When we pulled up, I was surprised to see what looked like a ranch sitting at the back end of the court and to no surprise the house number added up to 11!
This was the house. I knew it without going in.
As we walked through the front door the first thing my friend saw was the vaulted ceiling with a huge fan and was immediately sold on the house. It seemed to have everything we both needed. In a quick decision we both agreed this two bedroom one-bathroom split level was perfect, and we should share it to keep rent down. That was October 2018 and how the story started with us sharing a house together. Follow the breadcrumbs, they know the way!
Having been a spiritual coach for 20 plus years I know how this works, I knew my only job was to allow for it to occur “effortlessly” without question or doubt. I needed trust, and lots of it! The deepest kind that fills me with excitement and an ever so small amount of fear. My first reaction would be to control the outcome, trying to “figure” it out. That action always takes me in the wrong direction.
That was control creeping in, something I’d mastered to feel safe in life.
Over this last year I’ve learned this is one of the things I need to work through on a soul level in this lifetime. When I’m afraid and feel something might go wrong, my first instinct is to jump in to save the day by controlling the situation, usually at my expense.
Eventually, I realized this was tied to something much deeper: self-worth
Whenever I didn’t feel like life was able to fully support me, I worked hard to make sure it did.
Looking back, I can recognize the patterns I was still learning to understand. Living with my friend changed me because it forced me to see parts of myself, I hadn’t been willing—or perhaps ready—to see before.
Looking back at 2018, I can see why managing the outcome felt comfortable. I knew where I was heading, what to expect, and how I needed to handle the journey.
Almost eight years later, that wasn’t the case.
I was being asked to allow what was unfolding without interfering with it. It didn’t need my management; it needed my alignment.
That meant being agreeable before I could see the higher outcome or any outcome for that matter! So, I did the only thing I could, I surrendered and let go. I was once again following the breadcrumbs but unlike my past intuitive insight hit on the house, this time I wasn’t trying to get ahead of whatever was unfolding.
So, while my friend was busy wrapping up her business in NY and looking for a house to rent for her and her daughter in Florida, I was making myself frantic preparing for a last-minute trip to the UK for a three-week stay to meet a couple I had only known through our Zoom sessions together the past nine months. I’d done a session or two with the husband, who found me through my YouTube channel. He was a holistic coach working in a similar capacity to me. We immediately clicked in our sessions.
It was almost a year later that he reached out, knowing my own journey with cancer and the work I do because of it, to see if I could be the support needed to get his wife through her treatments for the life changing diagnosis she received of cancer January 2024.
For nine months, we met every week as she navigated treatment. I also held space for both between sessions when something came up and they needed additional support.
In September 2024, her latest test results showed complete metabolic remission.
They wanted to give me something in return as a way of expressing their gratitude for the support and connection we’d shared during those nine months.
They asked If they could fly me to their home in a beautiful location in England where I would stay with them for three weeks.
I felt a bit stressed at the idea of going since I hadn’t found a new place to live and would lose those three weeks’ time being away reducing my packing time considerably.
At first I thanked them for their generous offer but declined.
They insisted I needed to receive.
That word stopped me. I felt choaked up at the thought of someone wanting to give me such and incredible gift as this.
Receiving sounded so simple, but I was beginning to understand how much easier it had always been for me to give.
We discussed it again and I finally said yes, realizing receiving this gift was another level of healing for me that I couldn’t anticipate. I hadn’t had a trip anywhere in a long time and began to realize I truly deserved a magical getaway to this far away land I’d always longed to see and explore!
I’ve always had a heart connection with the UK. I love the magic, beauty and architecture. If an opportunity presented, I could live there, I knew it on a soul level so with excitement and a sense of adventure in my heart I packed my bags and left the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.
I found my seat in Business Class on British Airways—also included as part of this incredible gift—and found myself thinking about the Astro-cartography reading I’d had before leaving.
There it was again. My need to be prepared disguised as being practical. Apparently, I needed to know where I should live, just in case England stole my heart and I decided to move there!
Omg, I am so funny.
The woman reading my chart told me England was in my heart chakra zone, a place where love and relationships could blossom.
And then she said something I wasn’t expecting…
“There’s one place I don’t think you should EVER move to because it’s on your Pluto line…”
Florida.
Of course it was Florida!
I settled into my seat, headed toward my heart country and the adventure waiting for me there, completely unaware that life had another plan.