I could see it in the distance….
Stonehenge!
And all I could think was, could this bus go any slower?
People were beside the bus on the walking path, along the road to the stones, so of course the driver had to creep along carefully.
I understood that.
I did.
Excitement was building.
And the feeling inside me was big; I felt like screaming “out of my way people, I need to meet the stones”!
I wanted to jump off the damn bus, run to the stones my arms open wide, and hug them!
I wasn’t sure what that meant or what it was about them that made me feel this way.
It was in that very moment I caught myself, realizing that would not happen, not now, probably not ever.
As I looked out the window of the bus I saw it, the obstacle in my way of fully meeting the stones. A thick thigh-high rope surrounding them keeping me thirty to forty feet back, they looked small like one of those rune sets you buy on Amazon.
I spotted another deterrent, security standing at stations around the area.
I thought “Really?” Ha!
I’d have to settle for ogling them from a distance.
I immediately felt sad thinking I’m finally here, all this way across the pond, hours on a flight then by car only to find out I can’t touch them.
Upon talking to my hosts, it became clear that even if we scheduled a private group tour, which only happens in the early morning or late evening, taking guests out past the rope barrier, one would still not be able to touch the stones. That was strictly enforced to protect their structural integrity.
Some of the excitement I held fell away, I was feeling a bit let down. I settled back into my seat wondering why I was here if I couldn’t touch them.
I imagined connecting with their energy, their ancient pulse deep within the Earth, holding the knowledge of everything they’d experienced over thousands of years.
But it was not meant to be.
There would be no hugging.
I’d felt robbed in that moment, but I was not going to sulk. Instead, I needed to focus on this gift because, after all, I am standing here. With the stones.
Surely that must mean something?
I’m lost in my thoughts when suddenly the bus rolls to a stop.
We’re finally here!
We exit the bus a short distance away from the path to the stones and, oh geez, there’s people everywhere, also here to meet the stones. There are so many!
In my mind I’d never imagined I’d have to share this moment with anyone outside of my lovely hosts.
Silly me!
Stonehenge is a national treasure, of course there’d be people.
As we exit the bus the air is cold, the dampness relentless, bringing a chill to my bones and somehow setting the perfect backdrop for this adventure. Purplish-silver clouds scattered against a beautiful clear blue sky, and although it’s cold with a strong wind at least it’s not raining. I can bear the biting cold, of course I can, it’s for the sake of being one with these ancient stones I’d longed to see.
I looked around in awe.
The field they sit in is expansive; it makes the stones look small by comparison. Everywhere I look there’s green, it’s green and lush.
As I gaze upon the stones and imagine them bursting through the ground to claim their position. In this moment, It feels like they have secrets and stories only they can tell, but don’t yet share.
In each direction I look, there are no trees to block the view. The sky appears to swallow the horizon in every direction; It makes the stones look small. I feel small too.
I start to think about what these ancient stones might have been like, what might they have been used for centuries ago.
My mind seems to be off on an adventure all its own.
The beauty makes me forget how cold it is and I start to turn in a 360-degree circle to take in the view.
I’m caught in the moment. It’s amazing.
Except what is that noise in the distance? There aren’t houses nearby, only a few trees far off in the very far distance.
I continue to turn; and spot it! To my disappointment the noise is coming from the motorway running alongside this magical place. I can see the cars; both sides of traffic are flowing as if Stonehenge was just another field in the English countryside.
What is a motorway doing so close to the stones, I wonder? It seems off.
We are not in Disney my head screams, this is an ancient site, sacred ground I’m exploring. I want them to speak to me but in this moment, I’m only hearing noise.
These stones had been standing on this land thousands of years, the motorway had not.
I need to breathe and bring myself back to why I’m here.
The motorway gave me the feeling of being at an amusement park. I was expecting grandeur for these amazing ancient stones, somewhat private with mystery abounding, there was none of that.
Here they sat in the middle of Salisbury Plains with a motorway and noise. Quite frankly it felt rude to do this to them!
I stood still and closed my eyes for a second, taking a deep breath. Ahhh.
That did it. With my eyes closed I reset the scene, I recentered myself, remembering that the aesthetics is not the most important part. The most important part was what am I feeling when I stand with them on this ancient land.
I’m back!
I open my eyes and look at the stones noticing how they are each uniquely individual. Different shapes, and sizes, where they sat in relation to each other, how they connected or didn’t.
Were they trying to tell a story I was trying too hard to read?
Relax I thought.
Simply be present with them.
Then suddenly I remembered something.
The sign in the info center stated researchers were studying Stonehenge’s possible connection to the moon and its lunar standstill cycle.
I looked back at the stones.
That was it!
I am the moon.
Of course I didn’t need to touch the stones.
I didn’t need buzzing in my body or tingling in my feet.
And I didn’t need some big mystical experience to prove that I had connected with them.
I simply knew and strangely that was enough.
I closed my eyes again and breathed in this newfound awareness. It was my connection to the stones and the moon, and it was all coming together, suddenly I could see it in the structure of the stones.
In that moment I didn’t need to feel anything, I already had so much more.
A knowing.
Something within me shifted.
It felt exciting and peaceful at the same time.
I closed my eyes and took another breath. When I opened them I smiled.
And just like that I was ready to leave.
I finally felt one with the stones!
It was simply a moment of knowing that they too, felt the moon. She was part of them, and they were part of her.
The stones had the view of her I’d been searching for my whole life, laying back in a wide-open field, nothing in the way for as far as the eye could see.
This was my sacred spot now.
A place I will always think about on a full moon. The one point on the Earth where my soul touches the moon, the stones and the untold ancient mysteries that fill my being.
This is what I came here for.
Standing there, I realized the moon is in her waning crescent phase – a time I had always associated with rest, surrender and the quiet pause before a new cycle begins.
I thought about the move waiting for me back home.
Another new cycle.
Of course.
I smiled.
Maybe I don’t need to know what’s next.
Maybe, for now, I only needed to receive what was already here.
I looked back at the stones.
I felt different.
Not because they had given me something.
But rather because I’d finally stopped asking them to.
The sun was starting to fall making the sky look more magical than it had earlier.
The stones looked different to me.
I smiled.
I’m ready to go.
Walking back to the bus, I stop to take a picture of a crow that flew in to sit on the fence post I was about to pass.
The crow was beautiful, black with deep purple accents throughout its feathers.
Crows seem to always appear at meaningful moments in my life.
Of course there would be a crow.
The bus pulled in to take us back to where the car is parked.
I took one more look at the stones before boarding the bus.
I’d arrived wanting to touch them. Hug them. Feel something big enough to prove to myself the connection I’d imagined for so many years.
Instead, I stood thirty to forty feet away and received something much quieter.
A deep knowing.
Nothing needed to happen.
Nothing needed to be proven.
I smiled to myself and at the stones one last time.
Receiving. There it was again.
And in this moment, it felt easier.