Stonehenge!

And all I could think was, could this bus go any slower?

People were beside the bus on the walking path, along the road to the stones, so of course the driver had to creep along carefully.

I understood that.

I did.

Excitement was building.

And the feeling inside me was big; I felt like screaming “out of my way people, I need to meet the stones”!

I wanted to jump off the damn bus, run to the stones my arms open wide, and hug them!

I wasn’t sure what that meant or what it was about them that made me feel this way.

It was in that very moment I caught myself, realizing that would not happen, not now, probably not ever.

As I looked out the window of the bus I saw it, the obstacle in my way of fully meeting the stones.  A thick thigh-high rope surrounding them keeping me thirty to forty feet back, they looked small like one of those rune sets you buy on Amazon.

I spotted another deterrent, security standing at stations around the area.

I thought “Really?” Ha!

I’d have to settle for ogling them from a distance.

I immediately felt sad thinking I’m finally here, all this way across the pond, hours on a flight then by car only to find out I can’t touch them.

Upon talking to my hosts, it became clear that even if we scheduled a private group tour, which only happens in the early morning or late evening, taking guests out past the rope barrier, one would still not be able to touch the stones.  That was strictly enforced to protect their structural integrity.

Some of the excitement I held fell away, I was feeling a bit let down. I settled back into my seat wondering why I was here if I couldn’t touch them.

I imagined connecting with their energy, their ancient pulse deep within the Earth, holding the knowledge of everything they’d experienced over thousands of years.

But it was not meant to be.

There would be no hugging.

I’d felt robbed in that moment, but I was not going to sulk.  Instead, I needed to focus on this gift because, after all, I am standing here. With the stones.

Surely that must mean something?

I’m lost in my thoughts when suddenly the bus rolls to a stop.

We’re finally here!

We exit the bus a short distance away from the path to the stones and, oh geez, there’s people everywhere, also here to meet the stones. There are so many!

In my mind I’d never imagined I’d have to share this moment with anyone outside of my lovely hosts.

Silly me!

Stonehenge is a national treasure, of course there’d be people.

As we exit the bus the air is cold, the dampness relentless, bringing a chill to my bones and somehow setting the perfect backdrop for this adventure.  Purplish-silver clouds scattered against a beautiful clear blue sky, and although it’s cold with a strong wind at least it’s not raining.  I can bear the biting cold, of course I can, it’s for the sake of being one with these ancient stones I’d longed to see.

I looked around in awe.

The field they sit in is expansive; it makes the stones look small by comparison.  Everywhere I look there’s green, it’s green and lush.

As I gaze upon the stones and imagine them bursting through the ground to claim their position.  In this moment, It feels like they have secrets and stories only they can tell, but don’t yet share.

In each direction I look, there are no trees to block the view. The sky appears to swallow the horizon in every direction; It makes the stones look small. I feel small too.

I start to think about what these ancient stones might have been like, what might they have been used for centuries ago.

My mind seems to be off on an adventure all its own.

The beauty makes me forget how cold it is and I start to turn in a 360-degree circle to take in the view.

I’m caught in the moment. It’s amazing.

Except what is that noise in the distance?  There aren’t houses nearby, only a few trees far off in the very far distance.

I continue to turn; and spot it!  To my disappointment the noise is coming from the motorway running alongside this magical place. I can see the cars; both sides of traffic are flowing as if Stonehenge was just another field in the English countryside.

What is a motorway doing so close to the stones, I wonder?  It seems off.

We are not in Disney my head screams, this is an ancient site, sacred ground I’m exploring.  I want them to speak to me but in this moment, I’m only hearing noise.

These stones had been standing on this land thousands of years, the motorway had not.

I need to breathe and bring myself back to why I’m here.

The motorway gave me the feeling of being at an amusement park.  I was expecting grandeur for these amazing ancient stones, somewhat private with mystery abounding, there was none of that.

Here they sat in the middle of Salisbury Plains with a motorway and noise.  Quite frankly it felt rude to do this to them!

I stood still and closed my eyes for a second, taking a deep breath.  Ahhh.

That did it.  With my eyes closed I reset the scene, I recentered myself, remembering that the aesthetics is not the most important part.  The most important part was what am I feeling when I stand with them on this ancient land.

I’m back!

I open my eyes and look at the stones noticing how they are each uniquely individual. Different shapes, and sizes, where they sat in relation to each other, how they connected or didn’t.

Were they trying to tell a story I was trying too hard to read?

Relax I thought.

Simply be present with them.

Then suddenly I remembered something.

The sign in the info center stated researchers were studying Stonehenge’s possible connection to the moon and its lunar standstill cycle.

I looked back at the stones.

That was it!

I am the moon.

Of course I didn’t need to touch the stones.

I didn’t need buzzing in my body or tingling in my feet.

And I didn’t need some big mystical experience to prove that I had connected with them.

I simply knew and strangely that was enough.

I closed my eyes again and breathed in this newfound awareness.  It was my connection to the stones and the moon, and it was all coming together, suddenly I could see it in the structure of the stones.

In that moment I didn’t need to feel anything, I already had so much more.

A knowing.

Something within me shifted.

It felt exciting and peaceful at the same time.

I closed my eyes and took another breath.  When I opened them I smiled.

And just like that I was ready to leave.

I finally felt one with the stones!

It was simply a moment of knowing that they too, felt the moon.  She was part of them, and they were part of her.

The stones had the view of her I’d been searching for my whole life, laying back in a wide-open field, nothing in the way for as far as the eye could see.

This was my sacred spot now.

A place I will always think about on a full moon.  The one point on the Earth where my soul touches the moon, the stones and the untold ancient mysteries that fill my being.

This is what I came here for.

Standing there, I realized the moon is in her waning crescent phase – a time I had always associated with rest, surrender and the quiet pause before a new cycle begins.

I thought about the move waiting for me back home.

Another new cycle.

Of course.

I smiled.

Maybe I don’t need to know what’s next.

Maybe, for now, I only needed to receive what was already here.

I looked back at the stones.

I felt different.

Not because they had given me something.

But rather because I’d finally stopped asking them to.

The sun was starting to fall making the sky look more magical than it had earlier.

The stones looked different to me.

I smiled.

I’m ready to go.

Walking back to the bus, I stop to take a picture of a crow that flew in to sit on the fence post I was about to pass.

The crow was beautiful, black with deep purple accents throughout its feathers.

Crows seem to always appear at meaningful moments in my life.

Of course there would be a crow.

The bus pulled in to take us back to where the car is parked.

I took one more look at the stones before boarding the bus.

I’d arrived wanting to touch them.  Hug them. Feel something big enough to prove to myself the connection I’d imagined for so many years.

Instead, I stood thirty to forty feet away and received something much quieter.

A deep knowing.

Nothing needed to happen.

Nothing needed to be proven.

I smiled to myself and at the stones one last time.

Receiving.  There it was again.

And in this moment, it felt easier.

Before that could happen, I had to make my way through customs, which was surprisingly easy. After a short walk, there they were! The moment I saw them, the last nine months played through my mind like a movie—everything we had done together, the uncertainty, the trust we had built, and all we had walked through along the way.  And now the moment we had waited for had arrived: we were standing face to face, sharing hugs, laughter, and tears of joy.

After retrieving my luggage, we made our way to the car. I felt excitement building for the incredible adventure that awaited me and my gracious hosts.  As I buckled in, I kept thinking how this was really happening.  I was finally in England, a place I had only dreamt about visiting.

Driving away from the airport, I was in awe. It was November, the day before Thanksgiving in the U.S., and as I looked out the window on the drive to their home, all I could see was lush green everywhere. Back home, everything was already turning brown and drab as the days rolled into winter. The stark contrast made me feel like the faeries were always at work in this magical land far, far away.

As we drove, we talked about the things they still needed to do to complete their day. Upon arriving at their house, I met my client’s teenage daughter who was attending a home-schooling program, her mum as well as two dogs and a cat.

We took my luggage to my room on the second floor. It was beautiful and welcoming; my clients had made some upgrades to make it even more comfortable than I could have imagined. When I first arrived on the second floor, I noticed stairs led to a third floor, where the master suite was located.

To my delight, before leaving me to unpack they opened a door at the back of my bedroom and to my surprise I had my own private bathroom, which was larger than my bedroom!  I had a shower and a free-standing tub unlike any I had ever seen before! It felt like living inside a storybook. When the house was designed, all the bedrooms had their own private bathrooms.

Their house was beautifully designed, and I was happy to have a beautiful space to relax in and unpack my suitcases.  It had been a long day, and I just wanted a minute to sit and decompress after the long flight and car ride to their home.

The room had a very large closet with two doors that had built in compartments for everything.  It was like one of those custom bedroom designer closets.  I loved it, the space made it so easy for me to lay out the clothes I had bought with me.

I finished unpacking and went to the window.  I was looking out into a beautifully manicured backyard with a gazebo.  It was so sweet looking it made me want to paint it.  As I was standing there, I started to realize how far away from home I was.  I had left everything behind, the packing, the money worries, the uncertainty, and the destination I couldn’t see.  It would all be there, waiting for me when I returned home.

That moment felt heavy, like a weight sitting on me.  I sat on the bed and began thinking of how I was losing precious time packing while I was here having the trip of a lifetime with all costs covered, it felt in some ways, like I had won a lottery.  But still there was this unresolved part of my life lingering overhead.

The feeling I was having was the despair I thought I left behind.  I knew I had to shift myself or I’d ruin the next three weeks with thoughts about what I should be doing right now.  I started to think deeply, was that really my truth?  Did I need to go into despair and down the victim rabbit hole having nothing resolved?  I know how this all works.  We’re always exactly where we are meant to be in every moment.

Being here at this time under the pressure I was feeling surrounding the move had great purpose too, didn’t it?  If I was my client asking for help in this situation that’s what I’d say, look for the gift in all of it even when you can’t see it.

Control had followed me all the way to England.

I needed to write, writing always helped me but I left my journal behind, so I pulled some drawing paper out of my book and started to write a gratitude list.  That’s one thing I can always count on to help me shift.

The first thing I wrote was how this trip found me; I hadn’t looked for it.  I wrote how I had needed to open to receiving.  If I could receive an amazing gift such as this, couldn’t I also receive the perfect outcome to my move?  Wouldn’t the breadcrumbs take me to the right place in that situation just as it had brought me here, to my dream trip with these generous and amazing people?  Couldn’t the new living situation be a replica with someone to welcome me that was just as generous and amazing?

I could feel myself shifting, it was working!   The heaviness was lifting. I was feeling better, happy and thankful for the goodness that had come my way.  I was choosing England fully, every experience and put my thoughts about trying to solve my housing situation on hold.  If I didn’t let go, I would miss this amazing adventure completely.  I made the choice to let go and stop dwelling despair of my move and choose England and fun!  I put my mock journal away and got myself together so I could go downstairs and join my hosts.  I was in a place of deep gratitude and looking at all the good in each moment.

Later that evening, we went to collect their son from school, which would be like high school here in the states. He looked very scholarly in his proper school uniform with the school’s crest on the blazer. He was waiting for us at his day house, a place where students can study, socialize, get counsel, or rest between classes. I realized this is how the Harry Potter stories are depicted since the writer is British. The students report to different houses—it’s a real thing in England. Now all of it made sense to me!  When I mentioned it to my hosts and their son, they didn’t think it was remarkable in any way, just another thing in their world while for me it was as if the magic of the books and movies had suddenly come to life.

When we arrived back at the house, we settled in to enjoy a bite to eat, a warming fire, and some good conversation. During our time together, we began discussing the places I wanted to experience while I was there.  The ones in my mind were places like Stonehenge Glastonbury and London.  They stated they would happily take me wherever I wanted to go but I really didn’t know where that was.  Being in England felt a little like coming home in a way and that was enough for me.

Since the rain was not cooperating, we needed to wait a day or two before embarking on our journey. It was during those first few days that I got to know my hosts on a deeply personal level. Each morning, I would wake up to a lovely cup of coffee their mum made for all of us. Some mornings we had porridge, and others we had sourdough bread, jam, cheeses, and an assortment of goodies for breakfast.

It always made me feel happy inside.  I felt like I could just stay in this world and live here in this beautiful land.  I was drinking English tea in… England, I had to sit with that for a moment.  It made me giggle.  So silly perhaps but so important to me in a way I can’t explain.  It felt like coming back to me and some moments felt sad when I thought why wasn’t I born in England?  I’d have an accent.

I must admit it made me stop a few times to consider if there was something else going on here.  Something much deeper at a soul level.

The next afternoon they asked if I wanted to take a ride to stable to watch their daughter ride her horse in the indoor arena. The pair were beautiful together! The barn was rustic and charming, having a very old English feel to it with horses in every stall. I would’ve been happy going there every day.  It brought me back to a time in my life when I was around the same age riding at a local stable, but it was never as picturesque as this.  The stable was nestled in a location that was a bit remote and required us to cross a narrow bridge before pulling onto the grounds to park.

The grounds were green and lush.  It looked as though it would be a perfect setting for any movie where there were horses ridden across a field. I wondered if the riders or even the barn owner appreciated the beauty or if they were so accustomed to it, it went unnoticed.  My hosts seemed to have an appreciation for the beauty as well as the horses which were all magnificent. I never imagined I’d be connecting with horses during my visit to England, yet here I was, surrounded by a stable full of them.

There I stood breathing in the familiar smells of horses that I’ve loved since I was a little girl. I’m thousands of miles from the life I left behind along with the move I put on hold, I was standing in a beautiful old English riding stable- something I had wanted to experience for as long as I could remember.

Here, right in this moment I felt my heart sing with joy.

It was magical, and I had found something familiar.

Horses.

Of course there were horses.

So here I am in sunny Florida!  I still can’t believe I’ve lived here for 17 months already.  My argument was always “the heat” but now that I live here, on the Gulf Coast, my argument could also include snakes, Palmetto bugs (a fancy name for huge flying roaches, and no I don’t have them in my house), scorpions (yes those have been in the house, I’ve had one in the bathroom and one in the kitchen sink) lizards of all shapes and sizes, an armadillo (he’s my exterminator for ticks and fleas and anything else), snails that when they are actively moving, antenna out, they make me feel like I’m in a Dr. Doolittle movie, my crow army who loves the occasional peanuts I throw out for them and well I could go on and on but you get the idea.

A few weeks back a fancy white peacock or peahen, I didn’t get that close, flew in for a brief encounter as a nod that a resurrection of sorts was happening.  I feel like it was a direct manifestation after my client Liz, sent me photos of a recent trip abroad that included a spectacular white peafowl.  I’d only experienced the blue colorful ones, never a white one and thought about it for a few days thinking I might paint it.  Then one afternoon a week or two later, the two male peacocks are screaming very load, they are loud to begin with.  I decided to go see what all the commotion was about.  When I stepped outside, I hear a new call that was more guttural and deeper than what I was used to hearing from the peacocks.  I stepped out far enough into the yard and there it was, a beautiful regal looking white peafowl sitting on the mound of dirt we use to refill the coops after a hard rain.  The Universe had responded to my desire to experience one in person.  I’ve never seen one around here in all the time I’ve been here, come to think of it I’ve never seen any peafowl, not the blue ones either.  It was clear something magical and other worldly was taking place.  I needed to be extra present to see what the true message was here so I could flow in alignment and continue to be in a place of receiving.

Themes surrounding self-confidence, rebirth, renewal and Divine connection were bringing me into higher states of consciousness and at the same time life was slowing me down.  I wasn’t rushing to something I thought I needed to do or going to stores to self sooth my dysregulated nervous system, I was becoming more present than ever.  I noticed it in my client, Joe, as well, each time he’d return home there was a new light shining in him.  This new house-sitting situation was shifting us at the core.  Him in the act of giving and me through receiving.  He was stepping into a new reality, one he could only dream of, and I was doing to the same, slowly unwinding giving myself space to breathe.

So here I am, on my own in a new environment with my cat Bella, four chickens, five quail and two peacocks and a peahen in my care.  It’s become my understanding that Bella hates Florida more than I did but after these last few months, she’s slowly finding the same peace within that I’m finding.  I was also a caring for my clients 90lb 13 yr old chocolate lab named Lasagna.  Even as he aged it’s clear he didn’t realize how old he was.  He had high level puppy energy, and I can say for a fact his dad, my client and friend Joe, never let him think he was anything but a big puppy.  Unfortunately, as I write this, we had to say goodbye to him a few weeks back as he transitioned over the rainbow bridge.  As sad as it is the timing was synchronistic as my client is now stepping into a new life that has him on a continuous high-level path of self-exploration and achievement.  His work has him focused on a new direction with new life goals.  Suddenly he has the life he’s always dreamt of even if it means no longer having more freedom working for himself.  Even in his grief he sees how the path they walked together for almost 14 years had shifted and gently asked for change.

I often reflect and ask myself, “how did I get here”?  The path was so clear, and simple, I felt it in every fiber of my being even as my brain was screaming “No not Florida!”  There was no figuring it out or trying to make it work.  That’s the fate and destiny part.  I grew up on Long Island, born and raised.  I never imagined myself leaving.  Even as I went through my last divorce, I clung to the idea of staying in the only place that felt like home.

Just before Florida called I was living in Stony Brook, Long Island with my friend who I shared a house with since October 2018 when we spontaneously moved in together after her fiancé suddenly passed and my divorce became final.  It was a slightly challenging friendship; we were like night and day.  We made it work not asking too much of each other and knew the boundaries.  In 2023 we moved to Stony Brook and for me it felt like this was the last place we would live together.  I was feeling a change I couldn’t see clearly and at the time, I didn’t realize life wasn’t simply changing my address, it was quietly asking me to become someone I hadn’t met yet.  The friendship had stabilized both of us as it was meant to.  I could feel a new adventure waiting for me to say yes!

In February 2024 her daughter’s living situation shifted and through a conversation we had I asked her “if you could live anywhere where would that be?”  She said Florida and I said you’re free so go and start living your best life…she did, however her and her mom missed each other and yet again the Universe had other plans.  I was not going to Florida because I was on a mission to get on a five-acre homestead somewhere (again not Florida!) and grow herbs for the herbal business my friend and I had just started together.  We talked about the homestead and setting ourselves up for an herb farm making herbal remedies (my part of the business) and hair care products (her part of the business).  The more we talked about it the more we disagreed on where to live.  She didn’t like the idea of Florida but it’s where her daughter was and I, in my mind, was headed to the mountains somewhere but I could see the writing on the wall, we were not getting a five-acre homestead together, or land to grow herbs nor would we continue our friendship.  It was clear as day, that timeline was quickly coming to an end.  It had served its purpose beautifully.  Now there was a new adventure calling and I needed to be ok with wherever life was taking me.

Next week I’ll share how an incredible opportunity, a willingness to trust my intuition, and a few surprising turns brought me an unexpected detour.  Along the way I’ll share some of the mindset shifts that helped me recognize—and step into—a life I never would have imagined for myself…

Next week I’ll share how an invitation to journey across the ocean unexpectedly became the first step toward the life I never imagined I’d be living.